NDA Art Critique Message Boards

Here's a short story I wrote a long time ago, it's called Two Golden Eyes...

The cold water drops splashed on top of Grace’s head. But she payed no attention to the rain. Her mother had said running away would be a stupid idea. Grace’s father had said she would be coming right back. But she wouldn’t be going back in a hurry, not with all the problems that she faced at home! She kept running on, as the rain fell heavier and heavier. Already Grace’s long black hair was dripping wet. The rain-soaked forest ground beneath her feet became brightly lit up as the sound of thunder met her ears. Grace was exhausted and clasped the stitch in her side as she stopped running to catch her breath. She looked around at the forest trees, which seemed so much spookier at night. The full moon was covered up by a thick layer of cloud. Even though she was tired, cold and wet, Grace continued on until she reached the foot of the ranges that surrounded the forest. She looked up at the tall mountain in front of her, and began climbing. Her hands grazed against the rocks. The rain made it even harder to climb the mountain as Grace’s shoes slipped against the rocks. Holding on tightly for dear life, she hung from the ledge above. Grace gathered all her strength and carefully pulled herself up over the slippery, wet edge to safety. As she got to her feet, she noticed that the air was a lot thinner. The rain stopped, the clouds parted and the moon began to shine brightly. Grace sat on a log, gasping for breath. Her heart started pounding as something suddenly roared above her. She was too scared to look up at the huge creature that flew down beside her! It was a dragon! She bravely looked from the sharp claws on his feet, to the scaly, bright green skin, up to where her gaze met his large, golden eyes. Grace knew she was safe, and she could trust him. As the dragon roared, Grace felt like all of her problems were solved as if by magic! The dragon bowed down at her feet, inviting her to climb onto his back. As she held on tightly, he flapped his large, red wings and they flew off together into the moonlit sky. The forest trees seemed much smaller from up here as Grace looked down. They finally arrived back over her house where the dragon gently landed on the ground. Grace got off the dragon’s back and thanked him for all he had done for her.

~*~ ~*~

The birds started singing, declaring the morning. Grace opened her eyes, realising that the events of the past night must have been just a dream! She climbed out of bed and sleepily walked to the door, rubbing her eyes. As she stopped in the doorway, she noticed that the closet door was ajar. She peered through the crack into the darkness. Grace looked in amazement as her gaze was met by those familiar two golden eyes....

Is that all of it? It has a bit of a cliffhanger at the end...

I think it is very interesting, it is short, but than again that is the point of a short story, he is right about the cliffhanger, but it is a doable ending it adds some what of a mysterious feeling, I think maybe you should add on to it

Your imagery was great. I felt cold and wet and miserable alongside her. Excellent!