NDA Art Critique Message Boards

View, Share, and Critique Art!
It is currently May 21st, 2013, 5:22 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Biddly's Poetry (The Dump Rat)
PostPosted: June 10th, 2010, 4:15 pm 
Offline
SpellCrafter
User avatar

Joined: August 27th, 2009, 11:39 am
Posts: 376
Location: Floating In My Fairy Bubble
I wrote this after watching a program called "Blood, Sweat and Luxuries" - the way the children worked on the dump really made me sad, so I wrote this to appease that feeling. It's my first try at some poetry, I hope you like it, there are a lot of deep messages inside.

The Dump Rat

Morning, and the Dump rat wakes,
Small eyes blink, in hot, white,
Sun; the only power he touches.
He leaves, to climb his daily mountain,
Each burning step a struggle.
His face is yellow, like those of his
Friends, they know no future.
Small, swift fingers sifting large, metal mass,
searching for that blessed line, purified in fire,
It brings him life in sweet, toxic smoke.

Midday, and his lungs are blaze
smokes deadly kiss,
it holds him fast, as he hides,
in an old vehicles shell.
Sky above him, glistens,
Waiting; he longs to reach out,
but his arms are numb.

Evening, and the Dump rat sells his shining
Gold, it holds no value.
Pittance earned spent for bread, leaves not a
Scrap.
The day his only waste.

_________________
SINCE THE DAWN OF HUMANITY, MAN ALWAYS LOOKED AT BIRDS FLYING AND THOUGHT "DAMN, IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF THOSE BASTARDS WERE ON FIRE"
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Biddly's Poetry (The Dump Rat)
PostPosted: July 2nd, 2010, 2:40 pm 
Offline
Master of Rainbow Dragons
User avatar

Joined: March 13th, 2009, 6:44 pm
Posts: 458
Location: In hiding
This is very interesting, for writing in Free Verse, you chose your seperations in the lines very well. I can get the message out of your poem, I understand your feelings behind writing this, and expressing this to me, the reader, is very important. Good job!

_________________
Stick that in your juice box and suck it!

Come check out the Neon Dragon Poetry Challenge!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Biddly's Poetry (The Dump Rat)
PostPosted: July 5th, 2010, 1:13 pm 
Offline
SpellCrafter
User avatar

Joined: August 27th, 2009, 11:39 am
Posts: 376
Location: Floating In My Fairy Bubble
Thanks a lot :) I quite enjoyed writing it, I might do it more often as a relaxing technique :yahoo:

_________________
SINCE THE DAWN OF HUMANITY, MAN ALWAYS LOOKED AT BIRDS FLYING AND THOUGHT "DAMN, IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF THOSE BASTARDS WERE ON FIRE"
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group