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Prologue

Mingarde was a very unique and exotic land filled with even more exotic creatures. In this world the dinosaurs did not extinct, and new creatures appeared. Although they were fascinating these creatures were extremely dangerous and posed a threat to human lie. As a result a class of warrior rose to the challenge and took the job of hunting any creature that threatened the safety of anybody. There were many tales of valiant, strong , and brave warriors; however the story of Jeklaq and Konosh is a particularly interesting story. It all began when Jeklaq chose to hunt a basilisk in a treacherous swamp on a cold and rainy night. The Basilisk was terrorizing a nearby group of people who lived in the swamp. He had already confronted it, but it ran away to nurse the injuries it received from Jeklaq’s furious onslaught. He had thrown a paintball at it, so it was not too hard to track, since it left paint marks all over the place. The monster had run for a long while, to a very far off place in the swamp that was very hard to reach. For that reason Jeklaq had a hard time finding the basilisk. The rain also kept washing away the paint tracks from the paintball that Jeklaq threw at the basilisk. After approximately a half of an hour of trying to read blurry paint tracks, Jeklaq came to the clearing in which the basilisk was resting. He cursed under his breath as he saw the basilisk curled up, and sleeping. This would mean that the basilisk would awake refreshed, and recovered from their previous encounter. So he decided that he would try to slay it in it’s sleep although he knew it was very unlikely, many a hunter has slayed a monster by putting it to sleep first. He approached the basilisk slowly, taking small and quiet tip toe steps, taking the utmost care to not awaken the monster. He would wince at every snapping twig, rustle of leaves, or clatter from the armor he was wearing. He cursed the rain that made his progress uncomfortable and louder than it needed to be since it made his feet make splashing noises. After five minutes of his slow paced walking he came within five feet of the beast. He drew his giant sword, and put it back so he can give a full strong swing and put all his strength into it; however just as he was about to swing at the monster he heard a sob. He turned around and saw a little child, who tripped over some tree roots. His heart jumped over his stomach. Right behind the child stood a velociraptor. Compared to Jeklaq, a seasoned hunter, any velociraptor was a very weak carnivorous monster; however, he was worried about the child. He had to act fast if he wanted to save the child. He quickly sheathed his giant sword, and sprinted towards the child. The velociraptor, seeing Jeklaq, acted accordingly, and ran to get the child as well. At that moment Jeklaq wished he brought a lighter weapon with him since his giant sword was heavy and cumbersome to run fast while carrying. So he threw of the sword, and sprinted towards the child. He arrived at the child first, and tackled the velociraptor. He snapped it’s neck with his strong arms; however, just as some relief began to wash over him, the basilisk awoke. An ordinary person would have panicked and ran screaming into the forest only to be eaten by the basilisk or any other monster that would have been lurking in that swamp. He quickly scooped up the child, and ran towards his weapon. He knew that he stood no chance against it without his sword. The basilisk then noticing the hunter by the excited shrieks of the child began to slither quickly towards them. Just as Jeklaq arrived at his sword, the child slipped out of his hand and ran towards the basilisk. Jeklaq shouted out “NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO” as the child came closer, and closer to the basilisk. Suddenly, the child stopped and stared, at the basilisk, and to his surprise so did the basilisk. He thought that the child was doomed, since it was known that anyone who stared into the eyes of a basilisk fell asleep, became paralyzed or poisoned. That was why Jeklaq had special goggles just in case, but he did not need them due to his experience as a hunter. Unfortunately, the child did not have any type of eye protection, but he continued to stare at the basilisk, as Jeklaq watched in horror. After a few moments of this the basilisk began to slink away. The basilisk then disappeared through the dense foliage of the swamp. Jeklaq immediately ran over and grabbed the child to prevent anything from hurting him. This was Jeklaq’s first failed hunt since he could no longer pursue the basilisk because he had the child with him, and the paint washed off the basilisk making it impossible to track it. “At least I drove the basilisk far enough to leave the people alone” thought Jeklaq. Then he turned the child to him and found it sleeping oblivious to everything, the rainstorm, the hunter holding him, or the dangerous swamp, he was now in. Jeklaq felt amazed at it’s courageous actions’ that day, and he decided to take him home and name him Konosh, which meant serpent, to commemorate the only day a person managed to stare a basilisk off.

First chapter.

Ch.1

Konosh soon grew up to be a fine hunter, just like his brother Jeklaq. Although they were of no blood relation they looked very much alike. However, unlike Jeklaq who always kept a smile on his face and acted friendly to everyone, Konosh seemed gloomy, and was thought to be snobbish by others in the village. He always kept a cynical and apathetic face, rarely smiling to anyone, and tended to avoid social gatherings. This was not his fault entirely. When he first came to the village as a child, many families were scared of him because of the way he was found. Many people chose to believe that he was a type of demon and refused to let their children come near him, but they taunted, and insulted him whenever he came by and encouraged their children to do the same if they saw him around the village. Some even threw rocks at him if he came too close. As a result, Konosh grew up to resent most people in the village. Most people still liked Jeklaq, even if they despised his adopted brother. Many boldly told him to abandon Konosh, but Jeklaq was kind hearted. Jeklaq treated Konosh as if he were his true brother and they shared the strongest of bonds. Although Konosh resembled Jeklaq, he was not as physically strong as Jeklaq was at his age, but he had a much more cunning mind and wits. Konosh was famous for being clever, and sly just like his namesake Konosh, which literally meant snake or serpent. He was the first in his village to capture or kill monsters without hitting it once with his weapon. He did this by effectively using different types of bombs that either emit blinding light, or high pitched sound to confuse the beast to hurt itself, by running into traps or hard faced cliffs. Konosh was feeling very excited as of late for two reasons. The first was that his blade chant ritual, which names one a hunter, was coming next month, and there was a new mission that did not need him to be a hunter in order to engage in the hunt. If all goes as planned it will be his first hunt outside of the training school’s supervision. He was about the same age as Jeklaq was when they first met, and he wanted to prove to himself that he is just as a capable hunter. However, the hunt he signed up for was a much more dangerous one. He was assigned to hunt a rare Nacura, which was much more powerful than a Basilisk. A Nacura was like a mix between a puma and a wyvern with a powerful beak for a mouth. The hunt was scheduled for the next day. Konosh was well prepared, he had his weapons polished, and his supplies ready. As a result, he walked around town to try and make the day pass more quickly. He would have went to his brother’s house, but Jeklaq was out hunting another monster, and only his wife was there. So Konosh was forced to find other means of entertainment. He decided he would go and pay a visit to the weapons and armor smithy, and see what new weapons they had. Konosh did not go to the smithy very often because he learned to make his own weapons, and did not have enough money anyway. However, he had some money saved from the weak missions he has been sent on as part of his training. The owner of the weapons and armor smithy was a big man named Shagai, and an elderly woman, Shagai’s mother, Sophia. Shagai was a friendly and sensible man who treated Konosh fairly. As Konosh entered Shagai heartily greeted him exclaiming “There is the village’s mighty Konosh, slyest of the hunters”
“Most would think it a thing of shame” replied Konosh placidly.
“You must not think that way Konosh, you must be proud of what you are. Most people tend to think foolishly and jump to conclusions as some people have done with you.”
Konosh simply shrugged and started to browse the selection of weapons that the blacksmith had in stock and asked: “Do you have anything new, or am I looking at the same weapons I have seen last time.”
“Hoho, you get right to business, well these weapons are the generic ones I made and always will be the same more or less, most of the professional hunters ask for special customized weapons with special materials they supply from their hunts, so all I have is the simple weaponry. If you would like to order something I can begin working on it immediately. Are you going on any hard hunts anytime soon.”
Konosh scoffed and answered “As a child in training school we don’t go to any hard or in any way challenging hunts, so I signed up for a hunt that came in new. It has no conditions so I do not have to rank as hunter to join. Guess what type of hunt it is”
Konosh kept a cynical face so Shagai had no idea what to think, he simply assumed it would be a small monster since that is what most hunters started off with
“Let me see, are you hunting a velociraptor pack.” Asked Shagai
“No” answered Konosh
“A Kit kut?” asked Shagai again
“No” replied Konosh
“I cannot guess so just go ahead and tell me” responded Shagai, getting a bit irritated with Konosh
“I will be hunting a Nacura, and the hunt is scheduled for tomorrow” said Konosh revealing a rare smile that made him look mischievous
Shagai became a bit worried at the mention of this. “The Nacura in that hunt is a rare and especially dangerous one, are you sure you can handle it?”
“I have packed all the things I need, and prepared my weapons. I will leave tomorrow at dawn” replied Konosh.
“Well I wish you good luck, and try to stay alive for your blade chant ritual” said Shagai.
“Since when was I a person who needed someone to take care of me?” said Konosh as he walked out of the smithy feeling confident.
Shagai watched Konosh walk away with a worried look on his face. This method in which Konosh spoke made people think of Konosh as haughty and snobbish; however, Shagai knew how Konosh really was. He knew developed that way of speaking from the loneliness he had experienced as a child.

i wants to read more!! tell me more!!!! i wana know what happens next!!!! its great so far, dialog could use some "tweaking" like add in details of how the characters look when they talk, like say the smith crossed his arms when he asked a question, or something like that, or did they raise their eyebrows in surprise, and etc.

Thanks for the criticism, It may seem slow but it will get more exciting in the next chapters. here is part 2 of Chi.1

Ch.1
After browsing the selection of weapons at the smithy, Konosh went home to decide which weapons he would take with him. Like his brother, he preferred giant swords; however, Konosh liked the thinner long sword variation. They were lighter, and quicker. He could take a big chest with him so he did not worry about the amount of stuff to take. A donkey is given to a hunter at the beginning of the quest, however, the donkey returns home on its own once the hunter has come to the camping site, and so the hunter must take the supplies home by his own means. Konosh did not have many weapons. He had a long sword, a giant sword, a sword and shield set, with an extra hidden dagger in the shield, and a bow, with arrows. He did not use the giant sword much since it was heavy, and he had to hold it in both hands, which was what most hunters did. Konosh preferred the maneuverability of the other weapons. So he packed his chest with all his weapons except the giant sword. With the weapons, he looked on his supplies to see if he was missing anything. He had some potions, a couple of steaks if he got hungry, though he thought he would be too bust fighting the monster to eat, some sword sharpening stones, specially made by himself, and Shagai to restore a weapon even if it’s blade chipped. He also took some pitfall, and shock trap set, along with the various bombs he had. Seeing that all was in order he checked on his armor, which like his supplies was also ready for the next day. Satisfied, he walked out of his cubicle in the training school. Hunters receive their own houses sometime after the blade chant ritual. Konosh went for a walk around the village. He decided he would go to his brother’s home after all. Jeklaq’s home was a big wooden building built of dragon wood, which is nearly indestructible, since it is as hard as metal, and incombustible. Currently, Jeklaq’s wife was the only person there. Jeklaq’s wife Yasemin was also one of the few people who treated Konosh kindly. She was almost like a mother to him because she fussed over him on the rare occasions in which they met. A hunter is raised from when he can walk at the training school, so Konosh had lived in a small room given to him by the training school, and had only been given the right to walk freely in town last year, before that he could only leave his room to go train, or go to the mess hall. Konosh preferred his room because the training offered at the school was too easy for him, and the people at the mess hall disliked him. At this particular moment Konosh was thinking about when he entered the mess hall for the first time after getting journeyman rank, the highest rank as a trainee in the school. The minute he entered all in the room stared at him with pointed dislike. Some muttered things to themselves that sounded like “demon spawn” to him, but he did not care even then which was about five years ago. He bought his dinner, and sat at a table alone. As he was eating a boy came over to him and shoved him while walking by, and chuckled “Watch where you’re going Konosh.” Konosh snapped awake as the phrase was repeated to him. It was Raskin the very same boy who shoved him five years ago.

“I said watch where you’re going Konosh” yelled Raskin red with anger at being ignored.
Konosh continued to ignore Raskin, and attempted to turn away, but Raskin grabbed him by the shoulder and tried to punch Konosh in the face. Konosh had much faster reflexes, and he blocked Raskin’s punch simply backhanding Raskin’s hand. Raskin was thrown off balance, and Konosh used this opening to punch Raskin in the stomach causing him to double over, clutching at his stomach. Konosh then grabbed Raskin’s arms from behind, and put his foot on Raskin’s back. Try as he might Raskin could not escape Konosh’s grasp. Konosh then came close to Raskin’s ear, and said “Were you not a fellow hunter, I would not hesitate to rip off your arms.” And the Konosh released Raskin’s arms, and shoved him onto the ground with his foot.
“You, y-you, Konosh” cried Raskin indignantly, his face even redder than before. Konosh laughed as he walked away, and let Raskin alone to slink away to his training cubicle. Raskin was about three times the size of Konosh, but Konosh used his brain to defeat stronger opponents. Konosh returned to his room instead of going to see his brother’s wife. However, before going to his room, he went to the village market. At the market he headed towards the animal woman. The animal woman was an old lady who gave hunters animal partners to keep them company, and help them with their missions. She did not give any type of animal; The old lady, named Alyona, was a small old lady who had suspicious and sneaky eyes. She trusted no one except some of her pets. She only gave animals to those she thought were worthy. For this reason she had no bias, and no dislike for Konosh. Konosh looked around at the various animals the old lady had. He saw the usual, intelligent cats, named felynes, bulldog like animals, hunting birds, and reptiles that resembled iguanas. Although at first sight one may think these animals are normal, these animals are special animals that help a hunter by planting bombs or even attacking the monster hunted. What caught Konosh’s eye was reptile bird. It was a beautiful creature with emerald green feathers covering scales of the same color. It had talons more powerful than any bird, and had three finger like claws at the tip of its wing. After observing it for a couple of minutes, he turned to the old lady and asked her “How much for the reptile bird.”
The old lady looked up at him and replied “That one is already sold, but its owner is picking it up later”
Konosh was slightly disappointed, but he did not show it. He nodded and walked away. He walked around the market place without a destination, simply to waste time. After a couple of hours of aimless wandering he found himself on the other side of town. He was at the tip of a cliff that over looked the farm lands of the village. The farm was a magnificent sight to behold with the sun setting behind a mountain in the distance. He saw the farmers work the farms with their animals, which resembled the ones Alyona had. He saw the fish farmers feed the fish, and clean the fish they removed form the lake. He saw the miners who mined for the rare ores the cliff he was standing on offered, he even felt a slight tremble every time an explosive in the mine went off. After a half of an hour of admiring the scene, Konosh decided to head home, and try to sleep. He arrived at his room, in the training school, in about a half an hour. In that time the sun had set, and the moon was in the sky with stars. “What a beautiful night” thought Konosh. On nights like his Konosh usually stayed up to admire the beauty of the night sky, but he knew that he had to sleep because the next day was going to be a long and tiring day. He was not sure about when was the next time he will get a full night’s sleep. Hunting a powerful monster may last a couple days. So he entered his room, and laid on his bed, covering himself with a light quilt. He gazed at the ceiling and went over the most important hunting strategy he learned, but he could not go to sleep. He tried counting Popo’s, an animal resembling a wooly mammoth that was used as a cow, but sleep remained out of his grasp. So he went out for a short walk. Some parts of the village stayed up on nights like this, but he took care to avoid such parts. After some time he turned back to his room. As he was about to enter his room, he heard some rummaging inside his room. He slowly opened the door and saw Raskin rummaging into his weapons and supply chest. Konosh walked up to Raskin, grabbed him, and threw him against the wall. Raskin was shocked at Konosh’s stealth. He was unable to move because of his surprise and fear at being discovered. “Don’t worry, I won’t report you, though you could be expelled from the hunter ranks” said Konosh smiling. Raskin still could not gather himself up to say something, and Konosh walked up to him and checked to see if Raskin had anything hidden. Then Konosh stood up angrily and said “Leave now or I will kill you” It was the only time Konosh ever showed emotion to Raskin. Raskin was even more surprised then he was when he was discovered. He bounded out of Konosh’s room, mumbling in fear. After Raskin was far away, Konosh inspected his room to see if anything was out of place. After reassuring himself he laid in his bed again and fell asleep.

part 1 of ch.2 sorry for the delay.


As usual Konosh did not get much sleep. It did not surprise him since he already had trouble sleeping, but he did not complain. His only worry was a condition he suffered called insomniac’s demise. This condition caused him to faint unexpectedly for a few moments during days in which he receives little sleep. To counter this Konosh took an energy drink which kept him awake and alert. So he packed a few extra energy drinks just in case. It was very early, the sun had not even risen yet, but he still began to prepare for the hunt. He put on his armor. Konosh’s armor consisted of a chain mail shirt, a kilt made from various torn monster pelts, and some raptor hide gauntlets. He wore all this over his normal clothes. After putting on his armor, and rechecking his supplies, he took his weapons and clipped them on his armor. His long sword came with a cover and strap that can be attached to his back. He sheathed his short sword in the belt of his kilt which had many pockets for various items. He attached the shield on his back over the long sword. After that he filled his various pockets with whatever items that can fit. After rechecking that everything was in order, he went outside for a walk. It was still too early to start the hunt, or to even put his chest with a donkey and cart. He went to see if there was anyone at the border of the village that was reserved for hunters embarking on quests, whether they are for hunting, or gathering rare items. This place was called Hunter’s keep since there was a big fortress guarding the village. This was the highest point in the village. The rest of the village was hidden between mountains in a big wooded valley. At Hunter’s keep he found a young hunter like him who was waiting to embark on his quest sitting with his family, and another older hunter approaching coming home from a hunt. The young hunter was big, and bulky, with fair skin, and dark brown hair. He wore good expensive armor, and his parents wore luxurious robes. He knew instantly that this was one of the nobles. Konosh greeted the young hunter by saying the proper greeting words use between hunters.

“May your blade stay sharp, and your armor never lose it’s luster”

The hunter looked at Konosh sneering, and haughtingly replied “Look mother, and father, the poor whelp wishes to greet us, and communicate.”

“Yes. I feel a great pity for him” added the father

“Look at that bedraggled armor, and at how thin he is. How poor he must be. How dare he disgrace us by his prescence” the mother cried.

Konosh kept a straight face, but inside he burned with embarrassment, and anger at the nobles for not following through with the greeting ritual. It was a great disrespect to Konosh but he held his peace, turned around, and drily replied:

“Vanity, and pride are the traits of the foolish, and stupid.”

The young hunter’s face flushed red, and his face twisted in anger as he replied saying “Who do you think you are calling us foolish , and vain? How dare you suggest that we are proud and stupid? Who do you think you are? You are nothing but a peasant”

Konosh replied drily again “I did not call you foolish, vain, stupid, or proud. You merely assumed that I did, but who else would such an assumption except the vain, proud, stupid, and vain? In denying these attributes, you have proved them like any other fool”

The nobles looked at Konosh confusedly for a few moments before noticing his insult. They became redder than a tomato since they were of fair skin. The father angrily shouted “Son! Show him the might of the nobles, Show him how is the real fool!!”

Just as the young hunter was about to attack Konosh, the Older hunter had arrived at where they were, and said “May your blades stay sharp, and your armor never lose it’s luster”

Although Konosh did not recognize the hunter, he completed the greeting ritual by replying “May your arrows stay true, and your path clear like the sky blue.”

“What are you arguing about?” Asked the hunter.

The newly arrived hunter had some very high quality armor, and weapons. They were of foreign design, and Konosh had never seen anything of the sort. Seeing that the hunter was obviously not a peasant hunter like Konosh, the nobles quickly tried to get the hunter on their side by saying “This bedraggled whelp has disgraced us with his presence. He is bothering us and wont leave us alone.”

The hunter turned to Konosh inquiring “Why do you bother these honorable folk? Or is there another part to this argument that I do not know yet?”

“I was not bothering them, I merely greeted them, but they did not complete the greeting ritual. Instead they chose to insult me.” replied Konosh with his usual emotionless expression.

“Ah, so these rich folk thought that you were unworthy to be around them” said the Hunter “Vanity, and pride are the traits of the foolish, and stupid, you know”

“WE ARE NOT FOOLISH OR STUPID” shouted the noble people

“No need to shout, I was not even addressing you” laughed the hunter

“Indeed, I have told them the same words which might explain their anger” replied Konosh.

The noble men turned away from Konosh and the hunter and pretended they were not their. The Hunter then introduced himself.

“My name is Isaac Eversson, I was a travelling hunter for a long time now, but I wanted to settle somewhere. A man named Jeklaq told me to come here since there are a lot of monsters around, and it he claimed it is a good village. He said he had a brother in this village who he wanted me to meet, and not to judge him without getting to know him. Apparently the villagers have something against his brother. I believe his brother’s name was Nokosh or something like that, can you lead me to him?”

Konosh listened in silence and after Isaac finished speaking he replied “I am Jeklaq’s brother, and my name is Konosh.”

Isaac smiled in a friendly way and said “Well I have just met you and we seem to get along well. Do you know a place I can stay at??”

“I am leaving for a hunt and won’t be back for a while, so you can use my room at the training school. There are special rooms for travelers offered at the fortress or the Hunter’s Union building.” Replied Konosh.

“You are going on a hunt! I thought you were still a trainee, and they are not allowed to go on missions. Most missions require finishing training school.” Exclaimed Isaac.

“I am well over qualified to graduate, and the quest I signed up for did not have any requirements.” Responded Konosh.

“So what are you hunting??” asked Isaac

“I am hunting a rare type of Nacura” answered Konosh.

“That is a tough hunt” replied Isaac with concern on his face “Are you sure you are up for it??”

Konosh simply nodded then said “ I am going back to my room to get my supple chest. The sun should be rising soon. If want you can come to see if you like my room.”

Isaac cheerfully replied “Do not worry yourself, I will stay at the fortress. Good luck with your hunt though.”

Konosh and Isaac then parted their ways. Konosh went to his room to get his supplies, and Isaac went to the fortress.

second part of ch 3

After about one hour Konosh was back at Hunter’s keep, but it was still too early. The sun was about to rise though so he would not have to wait for too long. He went to see if the donkey and cart rental was open, and fortunately for him, it was. He rented the donkey, and cart and put his chest on the cart. He was ready to embark on his hunt; however the world was not, and Konosh was forced to wait until the sun rose. After a few minutes, groups of people came from the village. Most were hunters who went in groups, but there were some solitary hunters. At the sight of them Konosh turned around. Most of these hunters would probably try to talk him out of the hunt since they all disliked him, and scorned him. They talked about him behind his back, and he knew it. So Konosh took out a mask and put it on so no one would recognize him. A few moments later the hunters left their family and friends behind and went to the border. No matter how they treated him Konosh could not deny that all who were going on a hunt were noble in some way. They were all bravely risking their lives to protect the people they loved. None of them thought twice about turning from their hunt. They were all ready, ready to die, or to gain glory, and protection for their people. At times like these he almost felt a connection with the rest of the hunters, but then one of them would recognize him and sneer in disgust causing Konosh to lose any connection he was making. To pass the time, and keep him self entertained while they were held before the hunt Konosh started to feed the donkey some of the oats packed for it. They had a long way to go, and Konosh did not want to take breaks for food anytime soon. Konosh put up his hunter flag to indicate that the donkey was for him, and that the spot was reserved. He did not think he would need it but just in case he put it up from the cart. By the time he put up the flag everything went quiet. Everybody stopped talking and looked ahead. The hunters at the path they must take, and the people at the hunters. Everyone, and everything was silent in anticipation. Even the wind was still. It seemed as if even the world was holding its breath in anticipation of what was going to happen. After about five minutes of this the hunters all got ready to set off, they were waiting for the signal that would allow them to embark on their quest. They all stood their waiting, and holding their peace. Everyone at hunter’s keep was tense, this could be the last time some of the hunters would ever be seen. Then suddenly without warning a hunting horn rang out from the castle breaking the silence. Almost at once the hunters all charged forth, and ran. Konosh looked around him in bewilderment. “Why are they rushing off like that” he thought “They will only get tired after a short distance, and their donkeys cannot keep up. Konosh waited until the frenzied hunters all passed, and then he started walking along the path he had to take. Konosh had a very long journey to take. He had to cross fourty leagues north to another town, exchange his donkey, from there he would travel fourty more leagues west to a port town. At the port town he would take a boat and travel a little farther north, than east until he merges with the rivers of the Forbidden jungle. The he would make camp with his boat at the shore, rest a little and start his hunt. His journey should take him two to three days at maximum. Konosh decided to shorten this by taking no rests or breaks. He would walk with his donkey, instead of riding in the cart, and tiring it. This way he should get to the town by the evening. He met no one on the trail, and this suited him perfectly. He did not feel like talking to anybody, and enjoyed his solitude. As he walked he looked around him and recorded everything he saw on a journal that he had. He even drew the landscapes he saw to pass the time. When the town he was heading for was in sight, Konosh put away his journal and began to observe the city. He could not help but feel a bit excited. This was the farthest he has ever travelled. He hadn’t been this far with Jeklaq or the training school. Another reason Konosh felt excited was that this town was far away from his own, and he thought that the people here might treat him better because they were not already prejudiced against him like in his own town. He soon reached the gate of the town. The sun was sinking into the distant mountains and it was getting dark, but the gates were lit with torches, and there were guards so Konosh could not sneak into the town undetected. Konosh looked at the gates and thought how lucky his village was to be protected by the forest, and the mountains. This town was probably raided before which was why they had the gates, and the guards to protect the town. At the town gate Konosh was stopped by the guards. Konosh took out his hunt slip which indicated that he was on a hunt. The guards showed no hesitation in opening the gates, though they thought he looked a bit young to be a hunter, they did not question him. Konosh then went to the hunter’s building in the town to turn in the donkey, and cart, and to get a room for the night. Konosh entered the town stable, and walked up to the stable caretaker. The caretaker was a young man a couple years older than Konosh. He had sparkling brown eyes, and long brown hair. He was a bit dark skinned but he had a friendly face.
“How may I help you?” asked the caretaker.

“I want to hand in this donkey, along with its cart.” Said Konosh taking out the cart license which he was required to carry

“O you’re a hunter!” Exclaimed the caretaker “We haven’t seen any of those in a while, what brings you towards our town??”

“This is one of the stops I made to get to my hunt” responded Konosh placidly, with his usual apathetic, and slightly arrogant expression.

“Where is you your hunt, and what are you hunting??” asked the caretaker.

“I am hunting a Nacura in the Forbidden jungle.” Replied Konosh without changing the expression on his face.

The caretaker’s face seemed to turn ashen at the mention of the forbidden jungle. He seemed stunned and it took him a while to compose himself. After he recovered he said in a quiet voice “I don’t know what a Nacura is, but I do know about the forbidden jungle. It is a dangerous and mysterious place that is best left alone. Many dangerous beasts live there. It has been said that even the trees that make up the jungle attack you as well. I wish the most of luck”

“Luck has never helped me, I think it is a foolish thing to believe in” replied Konosh.

“Why do you believe that? I think everyone is helped out by luck every now and then.” Said the caretaker seeming to cheer up a little.

Konosh simply shrugged, and turned to leave with his chest.

“ My name is Jack by the way. If you need anything, just ask.” Said the caretaker, Jack as Konosh walked out of the stable

Konosh went to a building designated for travelling hunters. It was closed, and had no one in it to open the doors for him. Konosh was in no hurry to enter his room, so he put his chest next to the door, and took out his journal. Konosh liked to record things that he saw so he began to sketch the town as best as he could remember. After he was done he sat against the wall, and looked at the sun set. It was almost gone behind the mountains when he heard someone rushing towards him. He listened to the person’s footsteps and breaths. Whoever was approaching him had fast swift footsteps, and was panting heavily. Konosh thought that there was no threat since the person approaching was not coming from behind or trying to conceal himself. He was running straight to Konosh as if he sought Konosh out. Konosh was correct in his assumption. Jack was soon in Konosh’s area of vision. He was carrying something in his hand as he rushed over to Konosh. Konosh stood up when he first saw Jack, and waited for Jack to get to him. When Jack was within ten meters of Konosh he slowed to a stop, and began panting. After a minute Jack stood up straight to face Konosh and said rather sheepishly with his hand on the back of his head and his eyes on the ground “Sorry, I forgot that the hunter’s lodge was abandoned since no hunters ever come here anymore. I have the key though, and I am supposed to make the place comfortable for you.”

Konosh did say anything in response, making Jack feel even more awkward than before. Jack seemed very embarrassed about the whole issue. After a few moments of silence Jack said “I guess I should open it now.” Then he went to the door and opened it.

Konosh then said “you do not have to do anything, I will make myself comfortable.” And the he entered the building with his chest. Jack stood there for a few moments then left Konosh to get comfortable.

I am rewriting the soul of a hunter, but with the same prologue. I do not like th direction it was taking, I felt it was just boring. So here is the new and improved version starrting seven years after the prologue:

Approximately seven years later, Konosh, along with the rest of those chosen to be hunters were being tested. They were required to fight a type of monster in an enclosed arena. In this Arena the young hunter apprentices would be alone, and without help. The danger was real. Fortunately, the apprentices were usually trained well enough to pass this test when they had to take. This particular test was one of the final tests taken by the apprentices in order to graduate, and become fully fledged hunters. Taking this particular test was eighteen other hunters. All these were the best of their generation; every single one was immensely gifted. Raskin was one of the apprentices with the most expectations. Raskin had brown eyes, and brown hair, but he had fair skin. He was big and very strong for his young age, but for this reason he was expected to excel as a hunter. Strength was very important to a hunter. A normal person cannot even carry the weapon of hunter because of the weight, and most monsters that the hunters hunted were too powerful for the average human; however, with proper training anyone can become a hunter. The apprentice hunters stood before the arena entrance. They waited until everything was set up properly. They had been ordered to arrive at the arena after dawn, but it was almost noon now. The young apprentice hunters did not mind, most of them were friends. Some of them even planned to become partners after becoming hunters. The official rules that required the same training they were given allowed up to four partners who can go on a hunt together. They were gathered in small groups, all except for Konosh. Konosh was very disliked where he grew up, even hated by some people. When Jeklaq brought back Konosh as his little brother, most refused to acknowledge him. They thought that Konosh was a demon child, a changeling. “What else but a demon could stare at a basilisk without harm” the villagers reasoned. Because of their superstition, the villagers all shunned Konosh. They forbid their children from mingling with him, and told them negative stories about Konosh. As a result, he grew up isolated and alone. He was always reserved which added to the superstition the people believed. Konosh was always reserved even as a young child, he never complained, or cried when picked on by other kids. The villagers thought he was more of a demon because they believed that demons had no emotions. Konosh was used to his isolation. At first it hurt his feelings, but he never showed it. Now he had come to prefer isolation; he was unused to the company of most people, and only talked to the few who were close to him, which were the only people who actually accepted him. So he sat alone lost in his thoughts waiting to be admitted into the arena with the rest of the students.
***
It was a little after noon when the apprentice hunters were admitted. They were guided to a special weapon room where all types of weapons were laid on tables. The hunters were allowed to choose one weapon to use in the test. Raskin preferred the Great sword. It was the favored weapon choice amongst the most famous of the hunters, which was why Raskin chose it. His strength allowed him to move it around with ease. The sword placed at him for the test was a very simple weapon. It was a big sharpened slab of metal that was put on a hilt. It was a crude and low quality weapon as was all the other weapons here. They were part of the test. Raskin was examining his weapon when he saw Konosh by the long sword. Konosh was the only one to choose a long sword. Raskin glared at Konosh with mistrust. Ever since he was a child his parents have told him about the troublemaker Konosh was. Konosh let loose a dangerous monster from the arena the year before, and although there was no proof, Raskin was sure it was Konosh. Raskin had developed a grudge rivalry with Konosh. He thought it was unfair that Konosh was two years younger than he was, but considered to be the same level. It was not right for a younger person to be at an equal level, but he could do nothing about it. He wondered what the test would be this time. Would they each have to fight a single giant monster, or a pack of small ones. Whatever it was they would soon find out. They were being led out of the room to the gates of the fighting area in the arena. The hunters looked out through the gates eagerly to see what was awaiting them. They saw two chicken like wyvern, and a small group of velociraptors. Alone these monsters are not too much of a challenge, but together, they formed a formidable team. Each hunter would have to try his hardest, just to survive this challenge. The beasts were fed a special type of meat that drove them mad, and made them extremely aggressive. To prevent the beasts from attacking each other, they were sprayed with a special scent that repelled the beasts from each other. The hunters were sprayed with another scent that attracted the beasts, so that there was no place to hide from the beasts. They did not have to slay the beasts; all they had to do was survive for an hour. This meant that it would be after midnight when the exam was concluded. If the hunters did slay a beast, others already put in cages to replace the dead ones. There were many observers watching from the top of the walls enclosing the arena. Most of those who had free time come to see the trainees fight in the arena. The arena was one the forms of entertainment in the village, it was considered a great opportunity to watch a hunt in the arena. Especially one like this; this was a hunt in which the future hunters would be facing a dangerous test, deciding whether or not they will advance as hunters. The apprentice hunters all stood staring at the creatures in the arena waiting for one of them to be called. After a few moments of waiting a loud voice boomed through the arena. It called one of the hunters named Moreno. Moreno was not as special as Raskin, but he was still considered as gifted. Moreno had fair skin, with dirty blond hair, he was considered handsome by many in the town. He was very quiet, like Konosh, but he was not shunned by everyone. Moreno was one of the few who did not hold any grudge against Konosh, but at the same time they were not friends. Moreno did not talk to Konosh much since those around him all disliked Konosh so he did not want to alienate himself by talking to Konosh. As Moreno was walking towards the gate he looked towards his fellow hunters. He nodded towards them, and they nodded back, except for Konosh who was standing apart from the group. Moreno turned to Konosh, and they nodded in recognition to each other. It was a tense moment for them, and they all were focusing on Moreno to see how he would do. Moreno’s weapon of choice was a lance. The lance sacrificed speed, and offense, but in return it gave the best defense offered by any of the weapons. Moreno had the lance and shield both latched in their place on his back because he did not expect to be called so soon. The gate into the arena opened and Moreno walked through. One he was in the open he unsheathed his weapon and took a proper fighting stance, as he edged towards the monsters with his heavy weapon. He was confident in his skills, and did not hesitate in fighting the monsters. As he neared the beasts they all turned to him, nostrils flaring. Less than a second after they saw him, they all charged at him in a mad frenzy, each one with rabid foaming mouths eager to tear him apart. Moreno switched his stance into a defensive position but continued to edge forward. The first of the beasts to reach him was a small velociraptor. Moreno immediately dashed forward slamming his shield into the velociraptor, throwing ten feet backwards into the ground. A mere seconds passed before the rest of the beasts arrived. The raptors all jumped at him as they arrived. Moreno slammed shield into one’s head sending it flying, and he stabbed with his lance at another striking it in it’s neck and instantly killing it. The raptor that reached him first recovered and attacked again. He stabbed it in the eye, crushing it’s skull while hiding behind his shield and bracing himself for the impact of the two big chicken-like wyverns. The first one threw itself at him in a all out tackle; however he was able to hold his ground because of his high defense. The second wyvern proved to be a much bigger problem. It jumped right in front of him and began to hammer at his shield with its giant beak. The first wyvern slammed into him, but it kept going because of its momentum. The second pecked at his shield constantly while getting closer and closer until it was almost over him. The strain was becoming too much for Moreno; it was really tiring to hold up his shield alone, but it was excruciating to hold it up while a wyvern pecked at it. He watched the beast mercilessly hammer at his shield and timed the times it hit his shield. At the right moment he stabbed with his lance into the beasts chest then back stepped out of the beasts range. There he stood panting watching the wyvern in front of him shake it head and glare at him again. Just as it was about to attack again Moreno remembered the other wyvern that shot past him the first time. He glanced behind him, and saw that it was running towards him, and it was terrifyingly close. Moreno started to think fast. One wyvern was running at him fast from behind and the other was approaching cautiously from the front. He also noticed five other velociraptors closing in on him. He was surrounded from all sides, and he couldn’t protect his back. He couldn’t roll away because of his long lance, and heavy shield. He looked around him quickly, at the running wyvern, at the other one that was now closing in on him, and at the raptors. He noticed that on his right side, there was only two raptos, while there was three on the other side. So he acted quickly and side stepped as the running wyvern tackled him again. Then he ran to the raptors as fast as he could. He stabbed one, killing it and rammed the other with his shield, knocking it unconscious. Now the monsters were all on one side of him, so he had a much better chance at surviving. He gave up the idea of slaying all the monsters. He decided that there was no way he could slay both the wyverns.

*pant* man that was intense! and then you left me hanging!!! what happens to Moreno?!!? o.0

only thing is it's kind of "jerky" in some places where the transtion isn't quite smooth, like there should be paragraphs but its just a wall of text, but i think thats how this forum works so no biggy keep at it! its great

I have deleted the old section since I decided to divide chapters differently, have written much, but did not have the time to type it, and stil have not typed much. here is the next section, though it is not much, I promise not to dealy as much next time...

While Moreno was fighting off the monsters, the villagers on the walls cheered and booed at Moreno’s attempts to fight the monsters; however, they did not know that Moreno did not hear anything they said. He was so absorbed and focused on fighting the monsters that he ignored any other thing than the monsters themselves. Only the other apprentice hunters, still at the gate, knew how he was feeling, and what kind of thoughts he was having. They have all felt the rush of adrenaline, and the rush of perceptions from their heightened senses. As they were watching they analyzed everything they saw, small places that may be hard for the monsters to arrive at where they can rest, places where they can have the advantage over their enemy. They even analyzed Moreno’s fighting style, where he was excelling, and where he was slipping. Nothing in their field of vision was let unrummaged by their searching eyes. They could even make out individual cracks on the boulders and rocks of the arena. Some of the first things hunters begin to enhance are the senses. It is crucial for a hunter to be able to hear, see, smell, and feel, more than any normal human if they are to be successful. Even thought they were still apprentices, their senses already greatly exceeded those of any normal human. They could easily make out individual feather on soaring birds, differentiate between all sounds caused by a large group of people, smell the scent of a beast that has long past, and feel the individual footsteps of small animals. Without these enhanced senses, Moreno would already be teared to pieces; he would not have even known what killed him. So the apprentice hunters have been staring at the arena for the past fifteen minutes. At this moment Moreno positioned himself so the monster were all on one side of him. At this point the apprentice hunter could tell that Moreno has switched from being aggressive to defensive. He had his feet planted firmly into the ground, his shied was held up high, and his lance was poking out, ready to strike at anything that comes close. Now when the hunt appeared to calm down did it really become interesting; each side has dealt its first move, and both the monsters and Moreno have seen each other fight. The monsters understood that this was a life or death situation, and that if they fail to kill the puny armed boy, then they will be killed.
***
Amidst the crowd of villagers watching Moreno were various people here for other purposes. On these vey walls, business deals were made, queer objects sold, and travelling routes planned, but most importantly were the judges evaluating Moreno. Until now he has scored high, and was in the favor of most of the judges. The majority liked the aggressive touch that Moreno introduced to the lance, which was a weapon that was considered purely defensive. The rest of the judges disliked Moreno’s unconventional method; they thought he should have defended from the start, and attack later; they also disliked when he changed his position, although the rest of the judges liked the strategic position he took. Because of the differences between the opinions of the judges, Moreno scored high, but not top marks on the first fifteen minutes.
***

Next segment:

This is the rest of chapter one...


Standing in the shade, Moreno loosely held his weapon, panting, and looked at the sun. Thirty minutes have passed and he failed to even scratch the two chicken like wyverns. The raptors were all dead, they had been nothing but a small nuisance; the two chicken like wyverns on the other hand, were a major problem. Every time he would attack one, the other would try to kill him while he was distracted with attacking. He had not been hit by them yet, he successfully dodged or blocked any attack from the wyverns, but he was quickly tiring. His fatigue began to make him despair, “What if I lose” he thought to himself. He knew that if he did not succeed he would have to start all over, and he could not bear the idea of that happening. As he was having these thoughts his eyes wondered on the arena wall. Eventually his eyes met those of his fellow apprentice hunters at the gate. A mixture of emotions flooded him; he felt proud to be part of such an accomplished group, and ashamed that he was beginning to doubt himself. They were all the best of the new generation, but more importantly, they were a team, doubting himself would mean doubting them all. He felt the nostalgic feeling of friendship, and the warm feeling one feels when thinking of other close to oneself. The feeling made him smile, but then a much stronger feeling came over him, and washed out the other. A stubborn determination to keep fighting, and never surrender. A hunger like ambition that ate at him as he stood there. This passionate emotion seemed to set him on fire, as he quickly straightened up and steadied his breath. He walked out of the shady shelter he hid in, and approached the wyverns. The aggressive one immediately charged at while the other one edged towards Moreno slowly. Moreno side stepped and stabbed at the wyvern shooting past him. He pierced the wing webbing, and made a big rip, which tore open as the wyvern shot by. The wyvern fell to the ground and writhed in pain with loud, terrible shrieks that hushed the crowed. The Moreno put his shield to his shoulder, and his lance out towards the other wyvern, and charged straight towards it. The beast jumped backwards and flapped its wings, trying to avoid Moreno, but Moreno did not stop until he ran right into the wyvern. His lance impaled the beast at the chest, and came out through its back, as the beast reared back in pain. Then Moreno withdrew his lance, stabbed the wyvern twice on the side of it head, and jumped out of its range. The wyvern jumped up and down, in pain, frustration and rage. Moreno glanced backwards and saw the other wyvern, now with red eyes, and splayed ears, charging at him. He quickly turned around, side stepped, and guarded with his shield as the wyvern spewed fire out of its mouth. After it passed Moreno turned around and smiled as the charging wyvern collided with the other wyvern, which was still jumping in frustration. He did not plan for this to happen, it was purely coincidental, but he did not mind; he only acted with his impulse and quick reflexes. Both wyverns lay stunned on the ground from the collision, and so Moreno charged again and scored a few stabs before moving away. The moment they recovered, they began to thrash around, struggling to attack Moreno, and untangle themselves from each other, harming themselves. It was then that Moreno realized the full extent of the damage done to the beasts. Although they were both bruised and battered, one wyvern had a big painful looking tear in its wings webbing, and the other had a big gaping hole in its chest while the left side of its face was red and swollen; almost covering its left eye. Once they were away from each other, they reared their heads and let out a terrifying shriek. Moreno put his hands on his ears, and tried to block out the terrible sound, but he kept his eyes on the wyverns so he would not be caught by surprise. When they finished their screech, they both looked to Moreno, and charged. Moreno raised his shield and braced himself. They both hit his shield with an enormous amount of force, but Moreno held his ground. Then they began to attack him simultaneously, in sync with each other. Although the beasts’ ferocity greatly increased, Moreno was unsurprised. The Monsters of Minegarde all acted similarly, when hurt they become enraged, and their strength, speed, and ferocity doubles at least. The one with the ripped webbing swung its tail at him, but Moreno dodged and raised his shield to block the other wyvern which launched itself on him and pecked at his shield. Moreno stabbed at it as it raised its head to peck at him again and back stepped out of its range. Then he again raised his shield as the wyvern with the ripped webbing spit out a fireball at him. Moreno grimaced as his arm went numb with pain; he almost released his shield from the strain on his arm, but Moreno was determined to succeed. He knew there was only one way to defeat these beasts from his current position, and that was to activate his Hunterssoul. The Hunterssoul, more frequently known as the soul of a hunter were seemingly magical abilities that all hunters possessed. When activated the hunter would glow with a special aura. Each hunter used their aura in different ways, Moreno’s Hunterssoul was used to make his shield more powerful, and give his lance more range and attack power. As the beasts readied themselves to launch another assault, Moreno activated his Hunterssoul and he glowed with a brownish aura that mainly concentrated around his hands and weapons. If someone was standing close to Moreno, they would have smelt the scent of ginger or cinnamon in the air. The wyvern with ripped webbing charged head first, but it abruptly to a stop at Moreno’s shield, deflected by the enhanced power from Moreno’s Hunterssoul. Moreno then took advantage of the beast’s recoil and stabbed three times at its chest, sending bits and chips of the heavy armor and scales flying. The beast flapped its wings in a desperate attempt to escape, but Moreno stabbed at the wyvern’s uninjured wing joint, shattering it, causing the wyvern to drop to the ground. Then he ended its life with a few quick stabs to its head, and throat. Just then the other wyvern came at him, trying to hammer at his shield, but it was deflected. Moreno acted rapidly because his aura was beginning to fade away; he stabbed three times at the wyvern’s jaw, shattering it, and stabbed at its chest before his aura winked out, and exhaustion washed over him. The wyvern, though greatly wounded, was still alive, and it jumped back. Both stared at each other, one wounded to the brink of death, and the other barely able to stand from fatigue. The wyvern charged at Moreno for the last time in its life, determined to take kill him, even if its death was eminent. Moreno knew he did not have much strength left, so he stabbed his lance into the ground, put his shield in front of it, and held on tightly. The wyvern slammed into the shield, and shot passed Moreno, leaving him unharmed. Moreno was not sent flying because the lance supported his shield, and gave him support. The wyvern on the other hand, collapsed, finally succumbing to its wounds. Moreno’s trial was over. He sunk to his knees, and breathed in deeply, finally realizing the extent of his exhaustion. The crowd around him cheered, and so did his fellow hunters. The Hunterssoul, however, has taken its toll causing Moreno to collapse, and lose his consciousness.