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Chapter 1: The Encounter

[i]Opening Scene[i]

Simone is up in her room looking at pictures when her Mother calls up to her from downstairs. She asks her to come down; her mother and father want to ask her something. "Simone" mother asks if she would like to go to the County Fair. Simone, with delight in her eyes gladly says Yes. They all pile into the car and go, with Simone smiling all the way. They arrive at the fair and Simone says "I'm going to ride all the rides." Her mother gives her some money buy tickets, and she starts riding the rides. For hours she rides and with only one ride left to go. She arrives at the last ride, but is hesitant to ride it. It looks kind of scary.

She reads the words to the left of the entrance and reads it aloud. "He who enters these gates will suffer a horrible death." She backs off and never rides. The name of the ride was "The Dragons' Den." Her mother and father find her and tell her that it is time to leave. They pile back into the car and head home. As they are going home, Simone looks out the window and sees a cloud in the shape of a Dragon. She thinks to herself "Wow, that looks like the Dragon from the ride." Halfway home she asks her Father if he knew anything about Dragons? He told her he knew a little about them. She asked if he would tell her? He agreed and began telling her. He told her that Dragons were vicious killers and would kill to protect their hoard of Gold and Jewels. He also told her they would go out at Dusk and attack farms and take animals, mainly sheep.

He also said they breathed fire and could fly. She asked if he had ever seen one? He said he wasn't sure but, one time when he was younger, his family was taking a trip to Colorado to the Rockie Mountains, and as he looked to the top of one of the peaks, he thought he saw one perched atop a cliff with its wings spread out. "Wow, that is exciting" Simone said. He wasn't 100% sure, but it sure looked like one. Her mother comes over to her father and whispers "Why did you say that?, You know they never existed." Her father says "How can we be sure they didn't exist?" She said nothing after that. Soon they arrived home and Simone was so tired, and said that she was going to bed.



Let me know what you all think about this, and if everyone likes it, I will write more.

The story shows promise. but you've been a little vauge. you managed to skip past my problem though, i spend too much time ratteling on about the description and i miss out on the plot completly, your plot is showing some shape. but you lack description.
just go back a little and ask questions about the 5 sense's. like what does simone look like? whats her hair color? eyecolor?
what about her room? what kind of picturs was she looking at? were they drawings? posters? photo's of friends? mix of of them all plastered all over her wall.
and the rides? maybe you should give brief list of what rides she went on.
the dragon's den, it was scary. but how scary, why was it scary? did she have goosebumps? did a chill run down her spine?

think of writing like another kind of art in which you paint a picture with words.
you seem to have a story and plot idea though. just make sure you stay true to it and make sure your story gets told and not get too caught up with discriptions... i know i do almost every time i start a story. i just have too much fun describing every little detail that i forget to get on with the show.

on a final note i really would like to read more of your story. keep it up. one of my favourite fantasy's to think about even as child was how awesome would it be if real dragons existed. i would really like to hear your story for it.