NDA Art Critique Message Boards

That's fine. I have to put up with AS level examinations at the moment so I know the feeling. I too will not have a terrible amount of time to spare either and after that I will not be online for most of the summer probably... Anyways, keep this stuff up and if i don't get reading this for a while, then I will simply say: enjoy the summer Dreamer!!!

I has a present for ya'll! Sorry if its somewhat of a boring chapter :\


A semblance of normalcy.


“So what exactly did we learn?” Don asked as they trudged back to Skiff’s house.
Cam shrugged, “I dunno, basically that we know just about nothing.”
The group walked in peaceful silence as they traveled the route back to the house. The city was slowly repairing itself from the Beast attack a week ago, but there was still much work to be done before it was completely back to normal.
“You and Kailah are more than welcome to stay longer, Cam.” Skiff said suddenly as they rounded the last bend in the road and the gate came into view.
“Thanks, but we’re good.” Cam replied, “Besides you’re gonna have your hands full with him.”
“Hey,” Don cried indignantly, “I’m a big help.”
“Well,” Skiff laughed, “Morsha’s still cooking supper for everyone so you’ll have to stay till after that.”
Cam laughed along with Skiff in agreement as he followed him and Don through the gate. Amid the squeals of delight from the twins and triplets, the group made it to the front door without tripping too much.
Cam bent down and scooped up two of the triplets while he walked, the third ran ahead of them. The twins babbled non-stop about what had happened while they were gone and as Skiff finally sat down in a chair a somewhat dizzy box turtle was shoved into his line of sight.
“Oh, good you’re back.” Viska said coming out of the kitchen and wiping her hands on her apron, “Kale made something for you Don.”
“Oh?” Don asked from where he sat next to the bombarded Skiff.
“Yeah,” Kale replied coming in from the back of the house carrying two sticks, “I think the heights right but I need you to try them out to make sure.”
Kale handed the two crutches to Don who stood up and tried them out.
“Wow,” Don whistled as he rubbed a hand down the smooth wood, “I’m impressed Kale, you did this by yourself?”
“Yeah,” Kale replied rubbing his neck in embarrassment at the praise, “I tried to get them finished before you left but…”
“Thank you,” Don said patting Kale on the head, “I really appreciate this.”
Cam set down the two girls and glanced around looking for Kailah, “Where’s Kai?”
“She’s lying down,” Viska replied, “go check and see how she’s doing.”
Nodding he detangled himself from the triplets and walked softly down the hallway to Kai’s room. He slowly opened the door and peered into the room to see Kailah’s sleeping form on the bed. Walking over to her he put his hand gently to her forehead checking her temperature.
Kailah woke up and took a deep breath, “Morning.”
“Afternoon, sleepy head,” Cam smiled, “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Kailah replied sitting up, “How was the trip to the silver smith’s?”
Cameron shrugged, “Somewhat not very informative. Found out that the Paradigm mark can be anywhere on the body, not just the back.”
Kailah just nodded slowly, from her complexion Cam guessed she was still a little queasy. He poured her a glass of water and handed it to her and she smiled in thanks.
“Oh,” Cam said suddenly, “I got you something.”
Kailah scrunched her eyebrows in curiosity as Cam fished out the sculpture from the pouch on his belt. At the sight of it she caught her breath.
“Oh, Cam.” Kailah whispered gingerly holding the sculpture, “It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, I saw it at the shop and it just screamed you at me so I had to get it.” Cam said smiling at her happiness.
Kailah smiled at him, “Thank you.”
Gently Cam reached over and tucked a strand of hair back behind Kailah’s ear. Kailah watched him slightly confused at the serious set of his face. At that moment one of the twins busted through the partially open door waving the even dizzier box turtle over his head.
“Kailah, Kailah! Look it look it!” The other twin yelled in unison with his brother as they both climbed onto the bed to show her.
“Vash, be careful with him.” Kailah laughed catching the turtle as Vash tripped and fell face first on the bed covers, “Where did you get this fellow?”
Cam laughed as Vish recounted the adventure of the afternoon and Portio the box turtle. Morsha’s call to supper came right at the end of the tale and the twins rushed off back to the kitchen. Vash stopped in the doorway and came back for Portio then raced off after his brother with the turtle above his head.
“Somehow I feel for Portio.” Kailah chuckled as Cam helped her out of the bed.
Cam laughed with her as he steadied her down the hallway and sat her down at the table. By the time they got there everyone else was sitting and waiting for them. Cam sat Kailah down in between Viska and Morsha and went to sit on the other side of the rectangular table next to the twins and Kale.
“Kailah are you feeling any better?” Morsha asked her lightly touching her arm.
Kailah nodded, “Yes, much.”
“Cause you know you two are more than welcome to stay longer if you need to.” Morsha continued while Skiff helped the younger ones get food from the different plates on the table.
“Thank you both, very much,” Kailah smiled tenderly at them, “But it’s time for us to get back.”
“Vash no! The turtle does not want a potato soup bath!” Viska said reaching over the table and grabbing Vash’s arm to stop him from dunking Portio.
“I’m Vash!” The twin next to him cried indignantly.
“You sure?” Morsha asked smiling at Kailah, “You’re gonna miss all the supper adventures.”
Kailah laughed while Viska apologized to the twins and stood up to put Portio somewhere safe during dinner. While dinner went on Cam thought back to earlier when he had touched Kailah and the confusion on her face at that time. He wondered if maybe she had forgotten what she had said to him.
Supper ended and the two of them wished the family a good night. After all the hugs and kisses goodbye from the kids it was just starting to turn dark as Kailah and Cam headed down the street toward the Compound. There had been no sign of Fudgums all day but Cam had assured Kailah he would figure it out and come home eventually.
As they strolled in contented silence Cam glanced up from time to time to watch the two moons brighten the night sky. He chuckled softly and Kailah glanced at him.
“What?” Kailah asked.
“Just remembering the last time we took a nightly stroll through the streets.” Cam replied, “I still have scars from it.”
“Yeah,” Kailah replied blushing slightly, “Sorry about that.”
“It wasn’t completely your fault.” Cam said.
Kailah was about to retort, turning to face him, when she saw the grin on his face. She laughed and rolled her eyes at him. They continued to walk in contented silence as they heard the distance sounds of the city night life rising in the cool air.
“So what else did the smith say?” Kailah asked him suddenly, her voice taking on a serious tone. Cam sighed then recounted what all the smith and told them.
Once Cam was done they continued in silence while Kailah pondered the information he had told her. He studied her profile in the moonlight while they walked. The Compound came into view and Kailah sighed heavily.
“What?” Cam asked her as they made their way through the gate.
“Not really looking forward to going back into that room.” She said curling her lip in distaste.
Cam nodded in agreement and as they neared their door he gently reached out and took her hand in his. She gripped his hand harder as he opened the door to their apartment and he heard her take in a sharp breath.
The room was practically as clean as the day they had first moved in, but images of the torn bodies of Kelm and Kash flashed across his vision. Cam glanced at Kailah as they stood in the doorway not daring to enter as if the illusion would shatter and the bodies would still be there.
Cam watched as Kailah worked through her mental anguish and set her jaw. Gripping his hand tightly Kailah walked into the room boldly. Cam followed behind her watching her closely. She let go of his hand and stood in the middle of the room staring down at the spot where the boys had lain.
“Why?” Kailah whispered, “It made no sense for him to do what he did, and yet,” Her voice trailed off.
“To get at you.” Cam answered softly, “That’s the only reason I can think of.”
Kailah turned her blood red gaze to Cam. He expected to see grief in her eyes but all he saw was tiredness. She rubbed her eyes while shaking her head slowly like she could massage away the fatigue.
“I’m going to bed,” Kailah said softly as she walked toward her room, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Cam nodded as he watched her go into her room and close the door behind her. Sighing he sat down on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands. He sat there staring at the floor for how long he didn’t know. There was a scratching at the front door that startled Cam out of his thoughts.
Getting up and heard a faint meow and opened the door a bit to let Fudgums in. The cat made a beeline for Kailah’s door and shortly after his only meow it opened and shut to let him in.
Yawning, Cam went to his own room and crashed onto his bed not bothering to undress. He laid there staring up at the moonlit ceiling thinking back over the events of the past few weeks. Trying to mentally connect dots that might have only been figments of his fatigued brain Cam drifted off to a dreamless sleep.



....yeah.....

Well, I dunno about anybody else who happens to venture across this site anymore but I for one found that chapter both entertaining and enjoyable. I had to laugh when Kailah said: "Somehow I feel sorry for Portio" Poor turtle. As usual, Don provides that all important Comic relief! (Good Lad!)
I'm sure you know all about this mutual Vendetta between Cats and myself so please don't react too badly when I say: "Of course, the fudgums just HAD to survive!"

I hope I wasn't too harsh there. As always, your writing never ceases to amuse and impress me, and so I can safely say I eagerly await your next Chapter! Keep it up!!!

of course the cat survives, they always survive :P

thanks as always for the comments WOlven

Happy Thanksgiving!

Early present fer ya ^_^
almost the rest of the chapter but not quite



The child half ran half stumbled as his mother gripped his arm tighter as they ran. The rain fell so hard anything further than a few feet in front of them was hidden by a white sheet. The boy tripped and fell face first in the muck, crying out in surprise.
"Come on sweetie." His mother said stooping down to help him up, "We have to keep going, we're almost safe."
His mother's voice was calm but the boy could hear a slight undertone of urgency. He didn't know where they were running to but glancing over his shoulder he saw what they were running from.
The dark shapes in the rain howled loud and long and the sound made every hair on the back of the boys neck stand on end. Off in the distance the boy thought he could make out a sputtering torch. His mother seemed to get a second wind when she caught sight of it. She swung her son up into her arms as she ran straight for the gates of the structure.
Out of the darkness, a clawed hand swiped at the mother's ankle and caused her to fall forward, sliding into the mud. The boy buried his face into his mother's chest as she clutched him close the Beast lunging at the two of them, fangs bared.
A figure slammed into the Beast from the side knocking it away from the pair. Cautiously, the mother opened her eyes to see a man standing over them facing the Beast, sword in hand.
"Get up." The man said calmly over his shoulder.
The mother scrambled to her feet, ignoring the horrible pain in her ankle. The man paid the pair little heed as the Beast recovered barring its fangs at him.
"When I tell you to, run for the stronghold and don't look back."
The mother nodded tensing her muscles. The man kept his sword leveled at the Beast as it paced before him looking for an opening.
"Now!" The man cried as the Beast lunged for him.
The woman took off towards the settlement like hell itself was after her, from the horrible sounds behind her it just might have been.
The man hacked and sliced the Beast, trying not to be eaten in return. He stabbed the Beast through the side, piercing its main heart. With a strangled howl the Beast fell over dying.
Breathing hard the man stabbed the Beast repeatedly, piercing all four of its minor hearts. The Beast gurgled its last growl then lay dead at the man's feet.
The man turned towards the stronghold to see the mother disappear through the gates still holding her child. He smiled and sighed in relief knowing they were now safe.
"I swear, every time I turn around, you humans manage to scurry off and build another refuge."
The man turned to face the newcomer, "You make that sound like a bad thing, Seeker."
The Soul Seeker glared at the man in disgust, "From my position, it is."
Beast paced behind her waiting for orders. The man glanced at them but kept the Seeker his main focus. She flexed her monochromatic wings in annoyance as she surveyed the stronghold.
"You people have a knack for survival, I'll give you that." she muttered to herself.
The man smirked, "Yeah, we're tenacious like that."
"No matter," She smiled triumphantly as she turned away from the stronghold, "this is the end."
The man watched her walk away, "Why do you say that?"
"Because, dear man, you are the last of the Paradigm line." She answered smugly, "Your death will be my triumph, and finally this game will end."
The man stared at her then burst into laughter. The Seeker was taken aback by his outburst.
"Why do you laugh?" She demanded, "I would hardly think one’s own demise is a laughing matter."


dun dun dun

Damn!
That. Was. Brilliant.
I love that kind of fast paced action you used there, because it created that sense of urgency as the man looked to see the woman and child running for it. Excellennnnntly done Dreamer. (Air guitars. -yeah, I still do that)
If there is one thing i love when it comes to that kind of writing, its when the antagonist, in this case- the seeker, comes across their target and you think all is lost, when the target does something completely unexpected, like laughing in the face of one's own doom. It sorta implies that theres a mental character in it, Y'know? like the Joker... or Loki in the avengers when he talks to D. Fury in the cage. It reverses the element of fear in on itself, "turning fear on those who prey on the fearful." (Someone stop me making Batman quotes!!!)
I think you get the gist. That was truly excelently done Dreamer. I can't wait to see the rest of the Chapter!!!

this is the last of that chapter hope you enjoy!!

as always thanks for the feedback and comments Wolven!


The man seemed to reign in his laughter, "No, you're somewhat right on that matter."
The Seeker's brow furrowed in confusion, "Then why do you laugh?"
The man chuckled as he wiped away the tears from his laughing fit. He straightened up, smirking at the Seeker. She tensed from the change in his posture.
"Because, Seeker, I'm neither the last nor alone." The man replied.
An explosion erupted from the ranks of the Beasts behind the Seeker. The Beasts were confused, looking for an enemy that wasn't there, as more trebuchet missiles hit into their ranks.
The Seeker screamed in rage as she attacked the man. He defended himself against her relentless attacks. He was pushed back with each of her strikes.
A trumpet was sounded behind him and he felt relief when he heard the battle cries of the army. The Seeker let off her attacks as she saw the approaching men.
The man huffed with exhaustion as the Seeker leveled her blindfolded glare at him, "The human race may have escaped their fate this time."
The man blinked and the Seeker was standing inches away from him.
She placed her right hand on his chest, "But you will not."
A pulse of light shot through the man, the next thing he new something fell at his feet. Looking down he saw his body through his feet.
The Seeker smirked as she touched the bewildered face of the man, his soul shrunk to a ball that she swallowed.
Sighing in ecstasy the Seeker turned her attention back to the approaching army, "Who's next?"


0.o oh teh no!!! poor guy muhehehehe

Happy New Year people!!! ... where are you all?

Haha. The seeker has not won yet. somehow, i get the feeling that the story has just hit a massive turn, and already I'm putting together the pieces. I liked that last bit, but the seekr is a bit too much of a badass to be likeable. The poor lad who got his soul eaten was better. personal reactions... i know. I do that too often.

Aside from that there is not a terrible amount to go on, but nonetheless. Keep this stuff up through the new year Dreamer!

thanks Wolven, I plan on it >.<

one of my resolutions is to finish one of these books!!!!

again your comments and support is always welcome, keep it up through the new year! :D