Hello. I'm Seefy, and I'm currently rewriting a blob of words called Furious Dawn--which a small few of you have become a minuscule bit familiar with. It's in a post-dystopic recovery era . . . I think. Maybe. Hmm, I'll throw that idea around a little more (idk; I'm just writing crap as it comes).
This is a slightly older version of the first part, but only a few superfluous, descriptive sentences have been added. And some grammar. Can't forget about grammar. ;D
Oh, additionally, the story is told in two-point first-person perspective, meaning the the story is told in first-person format by two people. I'll just give you the female snippet first. The male one--Zennius--will come later. :D Er, beware, as I have not edited this to a great degree.
It's a little difficult to read because of the lack of italics (I frequently use them, but it would take FOREVER to convert it to BBCode), but if you'd like a paragraph formatted, italic-ed version, you can PM me, and I can send you the Word document. :)C h a p t e r . 1 — F r e i . ( s n i p p e t ) : :
Morning twilight, which is the among the only hours of light cycle that one cannot see well, is but a ticking clock waiting to chime in its seconds before the hour—a moment always overlooked, but remains the most still trice before the chaotic stroke of metal. My spine arched like a bow as I keeled over the tiny, florid text which my eyes quickly scanned across. Yellow light bent and contorted as I swiftly turned the page, causing the wick-fed energy at my side to waver like a flag in a springtime zephyr. My hand shot over to shield the dwindling flame; it was the last one we had, and the sun was not due for about hour. I rested my elbows on the compressed straw mattress that rested on the earthen floor of our hovel. A breeze gushed through the hole in the wall that served as a window and stole the candle light away with it. TL;DR!!!Mod Edit: Resized text in quote large enough so that people can actually read it ;]Response:
My body rolled out onto the hard-packed soil and I laid on the moonlit surface, breathing quiescently. I closed my eyes and felt my chest ebb and flow, gently displacing my wavy blonde hair with each intake of air. I sat up and pulled off my shirt—shivered a bit, as well. The morning is such a imperturbable time of day. Throwing on my Service clothes, which were bundled in a small heap in the corner of my bare room, I stood. Donned in a long beige tunic, a blue shawl-like neck warmer, legwarmers, and snug brown leather pants, I crept over to the adjacent room.
I touched Ma’s arm. She grunted loudly and rolled over in her coverings. I looked around my surroundings and gave her arm another good quake. Ma’s eyes slipped open and she sleepily let a blended series of words spill from her full, barely parted lips.
“I must be leaving,” I stated, kneeling at her side, only realizing the stiffness of my speech when they had already been spoken. The words drifted through the dusty space between us and into her ears. I allotted time for the sound of my voice to resonate in her mind.
“I love you,” she whispered in her sleep.
I bit my lip. “As I, too,” my lips uttered as I squeezed her hand. Her heavyset body and chocolate brown skin was quite contrary to my light toned and tiny figure. We do not resemble each other at all; I could distinguish this even in the darkness.
Some part of me tends to cogitate that I’m adopted, but I know that was an incredibly frivolous thought and was not true, despite, well, everything. For at least such frivolities have been innately spoken to me as false. I’d been here all of my life; there was no other explanation. I do know that I had another sibling, but I can’t recollect much about her.
I tried to keep it from vertically stretching the page. I generally tend to make the text illegibly small, so people can transfer it to a document-- eh, nevermind. XD That's the way we did it on another forum, but that was there, and this is here. ;) Thanks!